Knowing how to quit is as important as persisting.
Should I struggle or give up? Better, learn how to disengage
Giving up has a negative image in all the western part of the globe. “Winners never quit and quitters never win” is the mantra of American sports and businesses.
The basic ingredients to the “American Dream” other than a promised land of freedom, are keeping your head down, one eye on the prize and the other on the bottom line… your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the plow. “Testa Bassa, pancia a terra e pedalare”… the Italian version, something like head down, belly to the floor, and pedal.
Goals shape our lives
It is possible to say that we live our lives identifying goals for ourselves and working and behaving in ways to accomplish them. Some goals could be physiological, other psychological, or socio-cultural. Regardless of their origin and nature, goals provide the structure that outlines our lives. Self-chosen goals give meaning to us, in the short, and in the long run.
Goals are essential to our lives as they shape our daily behaviors in terms of our choices, the activities we attempt, and how we judge ourselves.
Not quitting is a virtue (!?)
In her book “Grit”, Angela Duckworth put together empirical evidence and advanced scientific research to confirm a common intuition: “…a disposition to endure to the end rather than quit early is the hallmark of high achievers”. She introduced the name grit, to refer “passion and perseverance for long-term goals”. Grit goes hand in hand with both life satisfaction and emotions like joy and pride. So it seems that in general, not quitting is a pretty good way to live life.
Quitting is essential (!?)
I argue, however, that every one of us must quit sometimes. It is not possible to go through an entire lifetime without defying unsolvable problems or projects. Imagine if you persist and pedal till the end on a cause that for good or bad reasons, was not important to you?. If all that struggle and determination is not in service of your authentic life’s goals, then it’s not truly serving you…
Let’s assume that disengagement is a necessity. Actually, it is a natural and essential aspect of personal development and effective self-regulation.
What is the value then, to know when to persist and when to quit? Huge right?!
Natural Limitations
Some goals will be out of grasp, no matter how hard we try. The goal to become an elite athlete in a field for which the person doesn’t possess the genetics would be useless. For many boys, a life goal is to play in the NBA, where only 60 players from the US, and beyond, are drafted for an entire year. Furthermore, the average height of an NBA player is 6 feet 7 inches (~2 mt), and as they say, you can’t train height.
Other limitations, as to professional specialization: attempting increasing levels of expertise in the chosen field makes it naturally difficult to keep up with alternatives.
A few days ago, I wrote about the psychology of possibilities, which could seem opposed or contrasting with this topic. However, understanding How to change plans and objectives is vital to challenge our psychology of possibilities.
Because of the acquisition of skills, knowledge, and expertise takes time (Ericsson & Charness, 1994), we need to choose our battles well and improvise ways in the making.
In summary: because human life is brief and resources limited, people need to decide where and how to invest those resources.
Sometimes when a project proves not to be worth sustaining, given the multiple constraints we all have, that activity should be abandoned -> allowing the person to expend her resources to greater impact in other domains of life.
Key distinction
While there is evidence that persisting in a goal brings up positive resources, and eventually, we could achieve the goal, at the same time, failing to disengage from a plan could be detrimental.
BUT… Here is the key distinction:
There is a distinction between the giving up of effort and giving up of commitment to the goal.
Giving up the effort and remaining committed to the goal has detrimental results. Giving up all together doesn’t create distress; however, is it always the best thing to do?. My answer: No.
Take a look at this chart:
From Quitting to Disengaging; What is disengagement?
Disengagement consists of two different facets, reduction of effort and withdrawal of commitment. Reduction of effort means lessening the effort I am devoting to attaining the goal. Withdrawal of commitment refers to reducing the personal importance that I attach to the goal.
What would be a better model, then?
At the moment a person realizes that the obstacles between her desired vision and her current situation are too significant to overcome; could implement some of these coping mechanisms that yield positive results (2,3, or 4):
Scale back. (as in 2) Choosing a limited, in dimension or complexity, goal within the same domain. Re seizing the moment and the struggle. There are goals known as ‘Tactical goals”; that are specifically set up to “only” move us forward, and later one with more clarity, define what we really need/want.
Alternate path to a HIGHER level goal or new Higher Goal. (as in 3&4) A more demanding, challenging goal comes with increased motivation. It might be that our equation Value/Pain changes. I recently started a challenge: Coming up with 10 new ideas per day, every day, for 6 months non-stop. Why 10? because 3 is “easy”, with 5, I could even forget during and ‘push them up’ before sleeping. 10… ten is ten, now, I feel challenged and I want to go and struggle for it.
Giving up on goals is a natural and important part of successful living. When needed change your question from Quit or Grit? to How to disengage for a better & more meaningful outcome?